I have become paranoid with the police. It seems they have noticed the particular character and nobility of my car; My unsteady headlight, loud engine, and Dutch license plate have them on alert. Today, I got a parking ticket. While I was in class, a friend alerted me to the presence of a police jeep at my car's side, I was angry rather immediately.
After four hours of philosophical study this morning, tempered all of the time with an accompanying flow of resentment, I decided to dislocate my rational self from the fuming ego that caused my blood to course hot and ask myself why I was angry. I was frustrated because I had a ticket. Despite my strong suspicions, There was no quick or perfect way to prove that the police really had it out for me, so I could not be frustrated in that. I was peeved that parking was so difficult to find on campus and that the parking I could find was seemingly isolated from campus, requiring an inconvenient walk. But in the end, having exhausted my annoyances as they erupted, I began to understand that the root of my frustration was that I had received a prompting to leave at 1 p.m. and if I had obeyed I would have not been given a ticket - it wasn't written until 1:14 p.m.
The unheeded prompting was issued by the same voice that had guided me to many tender mercies already this morning. It was the voice of one who had given me clarity of mind, rest in a short period of time, desire to rise on time, and the list continues. It is my belief, internalized through continued action, that when we follow the voice within we will be blessed.
As I left the campus scene to drive to the doctor, the shell of anger shed and exposed my self-dissapointment. It was then that I began to think about Christ. So what if I feel that the police have it out for me? Christ, in His perfection, in His righteousness and justice-abiding nature, was the target of persecution, even unto Death. Death for my sake and for your sake.
Said the prophet Isaiah in Chapter 53: "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. 4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. 5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. 6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. 7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth."
Were things ever easy for the Saviour of Mankind? Was His path made clear, was the proverbial 'parking spot' ever reserved for Him?
These questions filling my mind, ebbing the tides of anger, I must count as further tender mercies from the Lord. A modern Apostle, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, asks missionaries to consider why the Work of Salvation is so difficult and in pure sublimity highlights that the path was never easy for the Son of God. Why then should bringing His truths and His salvation to people be easy? Why should life be easy in general, if we are on a quest to become like our Saviour?
"It seems to me that [we] have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane. Missionaries and mission leaders have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary. Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about anything anywhere near what Christ experienced. That would be presumptuous and sacrilegious. But I believe that [we], to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid, will have to pay a token of that same price."
As these thoughts began to pour into my mind, my heart was finally purged of its anger and the Spirit began to pour in like achingly sweet vapors. Truth distilled upon me.
"Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold." - Leo Tolstoy
Truth, however immediately harsh or painful, is truth. Eternal truths will cleanse our souls if we make space for them. They will culture our minds and hearts until we abide in truth and seek it. And if all we can do is to muster even a few thoughts about the Saviour, the Word, the Alpha and Omega, the source of all Truth, we can then begin to see through His eyes.
It is seeing through His eyes that freed me from my anger. Freed me from reservations against people who have given their time and talents to uphold the law. Freed me from ill feelings that would have me speak coldly and tersely to nurses about to tenderly care for my ailments. Freed me from mortal aggravations, freed me to be filled with His love and Spirit.
An invitation, to me, came in the form of a parking ticket. Multitudes of similarly masked invitations are thus laid before me, and you, to let go of pains and make room for the liberating power of our God.
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